Take the Suck out of Success

The road to success can really suck. Especially as a writer. It is fraught with critiques, revision, and rejection. 

Lofter Kyla (far left), me (2nd from the right) with our triathlon training posse, on the day of our tri, last September.
For some reason, I thought this sign was funny. :) This race was so much better because we trained together. It made the TRAINING fun. And that says a lot!

I still see success for my books as having them find a place with a traditional publisher. That definition of success for my writing hasn't changed. But for my own professional life, I've found other successes--and they all have to do with creating community and connecting people with what they need for their own success.

I enjoy building the Writers' Loft, a non-profit writing community. I enjoy helping to organize the NE-SCBWI conference. I find success when I connect with and am helpful to others. I might sound like a broken record at times--community...community...community.

But I think that some things bear repeating. Like this one--The Kindness Project. Because we are human. Because some things are universal. Because we need witnesses to our road of suck. Because we want to celebrate the successes--and the kindnesses. Because, ultimately, things are better when we aren't alone.

What is your perspective on community? What type of writerly community do you see as the most beneficial to your success? I am putting together a workshop about building community, and would love to know what has been important to you, or what you want to know about in order to build your own support system. 

A Great Day for 'UP'

In the aftermath of a teenage cousin hanging with us this summer, my kids are watching more than their fair share of the teen scene stuff on TV. My youngest child asked me to explain some mean behavior a girl was exhibiting to another girl. I told her that sometimes people put others down in order to build themselves up. Then I told her how that wasn't necessary, since there is enough 'Up' for everyone.

It's something elementary that I repeat all the time-- many days I send my kids out to school with some variation of the building others up speech. But, recently I have been feeling like maybe we all need to review.

I rediscovered Verla Kay's blueboards (I had been on them before, but now, I actually registered), and I think they are a wonderful tool for writers. A very nice community. But, I came across a post about how some writer was frustrated that an author friend (who wrote for adults) was switching over to write for YA, because there was more money in it. And this writer was bemoaning about how that was one less spot for his own writing in the market.

C'mon, people, there is enough 'Up' for everyone.

Maybe I'm not being realistic. Maybe I'm being a bit naive. But, even so, wouldn't it benefit every one's state of mind, and state of writing, to believe that, when they were ready--when their writing was ready--that there really would be enough 'Up' for everyone?

And what does it do to the writing community, when someone is secretly hoping for others to fail so that they could get their 'Up'? Who would want to partner up for a critique with that guy? (I mean, not everyone can be as lucky as me--thanks, R!)

I think it's a lesson from kindergarten that we all need to remember.

And hopefully soon, we'll all be able to say, "It's a Great Day for UP!"

Mired in Quicksand

I'm very judgmental.

My judgment is turned inward, where I am ruthless at dissecting myself, and my writing. Telling myself to turn off the judgment doesn't work. But the truth is that I could always be healthier, I could always write better, my house could always be cleaner. If I compared myself with perfection, then I would be in a perpetual state of failure.

Mired in the quicksand, unable to move forward.

Instead, I identify the goal, and just point myself in that direction. Movement is the success. As long as I'm actively moving in that direction, I can't fail. I'm not saying that perfection is actually the goal--I find perfect things to be boring.

Instead, as my son says, "Make it more better!"

Recently, I have come across a slew of people who take their judgments and turn them outward toward others. I find this reprehensible. Unless I walk a mile in your shoes, I have no idea what life is like for you, and don't have the authority to judge you on your actions. What gives you the authority to judge me?

That being said, I want to get into other people's shoes. I want to walk a mile. I want to know what motivates others. Not to judge them, but to understand their perspective on things. Because I'm curious. Because I empathize. And maybe, because I'm a writer.

So, c'mon into my messy house. Read my mistake-filled manuscript. Enjoy the chocolate chip cookies. I love that you are here. Come try on my shoes. Leave your judgments at the door.

You are welcome here.