The Art of Procrastination TED Talk with Tim Urban

Well, howdy!

It's been a while since I've hung out with you here. I've spent the better part of the last year doing a career-changing apprenticeship with these three dudes and my brilliant friend Natasha Sass and a community of amazing indie authors.

There's also a good amount of s*&;t going down in my personal life. I'm fine; my family is fine. Other than that, I won't go into details, even though I know that mentioning it will make you curious about it. (Totally not fair, feel free to text me, friends!)

Do me a favor and channel that curiosity. Whenever you meet someone, or interact with someone, consider what stuff they might be going through behind the scenes that you don't know about. Imagine it. Then give people the benefit of the doubt. Compassion. You don't have to know what people are going through to be kind and supportive.

But, ugh. Let's get off of the topic of me. :)

Let's talk about our dreams.

More specifically, let's talk about our dreams that we are deferring RIGHT NOW.

To help with this, check out this super funny TED Talk. Go ahead, push play. I'll wait.



(Can't see the TED talk? Check it out here: https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=tedspread )

My favorite part? Around 7:30 when the PANIC MONSTER hits the scene.

But most important for us in our creative lives are the problems Tim talks about around 11 minutes into the talk. The problems that can happen when there are no deadlines. No panic monster.

This is not to say that you should feel guilty or ashamed if you have left some of those circles on your life calendar blank. If you haven't pursued your dreams every waking moment.

But let's take a hard look at our goals. Let's chase our instant gratification monkey up the tree, get out of the dark playground, and get to work.

Today.

Don't let ONE MORE CIRCLE go by without investing in your dream.

(I guess I need to put down the netflix remote. Even though I just discovered like nine seasons of the Vampire Diaries. OMG. The angst of forever teenage love. And *squee* the Arrow has a role in a few episodes.)

So, if you need a panic monster, find one. :)

Ask a friend to help you with accountability. Email them every day, or once a week, outlining your progress toward your dream. Do the same for them. Knowing you have to write that email is a really motivating way to get those daily tasks done. Or keep a word count spreadsheet. See how many days you can string together where you worked on a project. It sucks to put a zero in a word count spreadsheet.

You might want to reach out to Tim Urban at his blog and tell him what his TED Talk made you think about; what changes it made in the way you go after your dreams.

If you're wondering what we're doing at the Writers' Loft, check out our new blog here.  Even if you're not local to metrowest Massachusetts, you can be a part of our supportive community now! Stop by and say hi!

And, lastly, will I see you at NESCBWI? There's a few spots still open--register here. I'll be talking (in a workshop on Sunday) about setting yourself up in your creative career so you CANNOT FAIL. How? Through deliberately building your support system. It's easy--I'll help you!!

So, what's your dream? How are you working toward it? How are you outwitting your instant gratification monkey?

NESCBWI Gratitude and David Steindl-Rast's TED TALK: Want to be Happy? Be Grateful

When I arrived at the NESCBWI conference in April, I knew it would be the last year I was directing it. I didn't know how that would feel. I had spent two years organizing volunteers and two years co-directing the whole thing.

I talked to directors who had gone before me and knew that they each felt emotional when their time of running things was over.

It's an intense thing to run a conference of that size. There's a ton of support and help, but when it comes down to it, the directors are responsible for 100+ hours of workshops, 80+ faculty, 150+ volunteers, at least 3 keynotes, all the hotel details of foods and room set-ups and lodging. When the conference sold out shortly after opening registration, we knew it would be a successful conference.

But what would a success conference look like for me, personally?

As soon as I arrived at the conference hotel for the weekend and started setting things up, I had the urge to say thank you. I realized that almost every single person who helped me personally or professionally with my career and the development of this conference would be there. Success, for me, would be finding everyone who gifted me with their time, expertise, or support, and saying thank you.

Of course I would be (literally) running around doing things. But I told myself that thing I say every day when faced with a ton of work. There is time. There is time to do all the things I need to do. There is time to say thank you.

So, as David says in the TED Talk below, I built a stop sign into my life. I said thank you.  

Thank you to the hotel staff that cared so much about every chair in every room. Thank you to the A/V gang who shared with me how much they love working our conference because the speakers we have always inspire them. Thank you to all the people who worked so hard to put such a big, three day conference together. Thank you to all my friends who supported me through the process of organizing the conference, for no other reason than they care about me. Friends who didn't get any credit or public understanding of what they had done to make this conference happen (and keep me sane in the process). 

For me, the conference was a big weekend of gratitude. Gratitude for the community that NESCBWI is--the community that has supported me thus far in my writing career--and gratitude for those who helped me juggle developing the Writers' Loft, the conference, and new manuscripts. Everyone was there, and I wanted to thank them all. 

We don't often get a big event like a conference to say thank you to those stand with us. But I'm so happy I did. I didn't get around to thank everyone, (I honestly don't think I effectively thanked my co-director Josh Funk--because, boy that's almost an impossibly big thank you!) but I got to thank a lot of people. 

Can't see the TED talk? Find it here: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful?language=en

"Grateful living, that is the thing."

Build a stop sign into your life, and fill your life with gratitude and happiness. :)

If I missed saying thank you to you at the conference, please know, that I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for your support of the Writers' Loft, of me and my career, of the NESCBWI conference.

THANK YOU.

TED Talk Tuesday: Tavi Gevinson is Still Figuring it Out

I'm dedication this blog post to the teens who make up our Teen Think Tank at the Writers' Loft. They are amazing girls who are definitely still figuring it out, but so unique, imaginative, and powerful in their own right!

This TED Talk grabs onto the portrayal of women and girls in pop-culture (mostly movies and TV) and looks at how often even the strongest female roles are one-dimensional. A cautionary tale for anyone writing about women/girls in their novels.

It's like Tavi jumped inside my head and ferreted out my beef with the Spice Girls. (Oh, does that date me?)

Check it out:


Can't see the TED Talk? Click through here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6osiBvQ-RRg

We all want to write multi-dimensional characters, whether female or not. Tavi says it's all about the flaws, and I agree.

And it's something we're all still figuring out--what makes a female character strong? Recently there's been an insurgent of kick-ass teens and women in books--are they complete, well-rounded characters, or one-dimensional super women?

Tavi is certainly figuring some of this stuff out. Check out her online magazine, Rookie.

I definitely think that the strong girl debate is a current one, but my favorite part of this TED Talk is her general attitude toward, well, everything. She's still figuring it out. It's okay to mess up when you are still figuring things out. Things aren't set in stone, not even what feminism means. It's a conversation. A fluid topic. Everything is.

I love it when she said she could get away with anything if she said she's still figuring it out. That's a great life mindset to have!

Let's adopt Tavi's mindset and get away with everything!

Streaking and TED Talk Tuesday: Angela Lee Duckworth's Key to Success: GRIT

So I've decided to take up streaking this January.

Nope, not that kind of streaking. :)

Streaking, as in, trying to do things for as many days as I can in a row. In order to join the US Running Streak Association, one needs to run at least a mile for 365 days.

I think there is a lot of wisdom in that.

First of all, it's totally doable. On any given day, I can run a mile. But, have I ever run every single day of the year? Nope. Totally doable and yet totally a terrific challenge.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

How does this translate to writing? Simply. I'm going to set the goal of writing every day for 30 minutes. Most days I'll write more than that. And I'm the first to admit that some days I need not to write--some days I need to think about a project. And on those days, I'll write something different. And think about the project that needs some air.

I don't think that this will burn me out like NaNo. (Don't get me wrong I LOVE NaNo!)

And, if I skip a day, I'll start the streak over. (But I'm not planning on skipping.) So, who's with me? Let's start a writing streaking club.

Let's call it the Writers' Loft Streaking Club--but anyone can join.

I'm not big about new year's resolutions, but I am big about beginnings. Let's streak.

To spur you on, here's some inspiration from Angela Lee Duckworth, who shares that it isn't smarts but GRIT that creates success.

You know, like the grit that you need to write (or run) every single day.


Can't see this TED talk via blogger? Click here.

Will you streak with me? :)

TED Talk Thursday: Seth Godin and the Tribes We Lead

Tomorrow, Friday, August 22nd, I am a guest over at the Writers' Rumpus blog, sharing the story of how The Writers' Loft got started.

In honor of tribes like the Loft, I turn to a TED talk about making change through building connections.

Seth Godin talks about how we change the world now through connecting with people who are true believers in whatever it is we are passionate about. I think it is an extremely hopeful, grass roots kind of movement, and one that we can all be a part of, no matter what our passion might be.

Check it out:




Can't see the talk? Click here.

What are your favorite writing tribes? What places do you go to when you need support?

TED Talk Thursday: Building Creative Confidence with David Kelley

Recently, at the Loft, we've been talking about organization and productivity and about the personal practices that delay us in achieving our Epic Win in writing. (We planned a panel to talk about just that on July 23rd.)

But there is this other thing that keeps writers from writing, and that is an emotional, fear response, stemming from a lack of creative confidence.

Anyone who was lucky enough to hear Peter Reynolds (@peterhreynolds) read The Dot at #NESCBWI14 experienced how creative confidence could be inspired, rather than crushed--that moment when the little girl, sure that she is no artist, pokes her paper with her marker and shows her teacher who, in turn, tells her to sign it.

Just that. Sign it.

You are an artist. Take yourself seriously. Own wherever you might be on your writing journey and make no excuses for it. Everyone is somewhere, and you are here. You have every right to be where you are and love it. Just imagine where you can go from here!

Our job as writers is to grow our creative confidence, but I believe it is also to nurture the creative confidence in others. I've heard the horror stories. A writer who put their writing away for a year because a peer gave them a scathing, demeaning critique. Another writer who stalled out for just as long because their critique group's rules stated that they could only receive positive feedback, nothing that would promote growth and change.

But how do we do this? How do we cultivate creative confidence? David Kelley looked to a behavioral psychologist studying fears for the answer--guided mastery. Check it out:


Can't see the TED talk? Yeah, me neither. Blogger is finicky. Watch it HERE:

(We'll wait here for you!)

I love Dug Dietz's solution for fear of MRIs--I love the pirate ship adventure for kids!

So, how do we perform guided mastery for our writing process? It's about small successes. We need to acknowledge our small successes when they happen. Not berate ourselves because we are falling short of a polished, published novel.

I've been known to recommend treating our goals as a game (hence the Epic Win comment above).

And it's about getting that successful feedback from others. But I don't think that you can just ask any writer for that kind of feedback (I think it would be wonderful if you can!) you have to be selective. If you join a writing group, make sure they have clear critique guidelines.

Or take a writing class from someone who excels at creating successes in others. (Keep an eye on the Loft calendar--we are scheduling a revision class like this for the fall.)

And, make sure that when you give feedback, you are nurturing another writer's creative confidence, not destroying it.

If you enjoyed this TED talk, check out the other talks I've highlighted down in the sidebar of this blog->

Are you suffering a creative confidence crisis? What is the worst critique situation you've been involved in? Have you told anyone to sign their dot today? Why the hell not? :)

New Year Writing Tips for When the Going Gets Tough: What I've Learned at the Loft

So, I was having lunch with a crit partner yesterday, and we were talking about possible workshops or craft chats for the Loft, and she mentioned wanting to do a chat about how to stick with writing a ms long enough to get to the end. I opened my big mouth, and said something like, "I've never understood why people have trouble getting to the end--that's never been a problem of mine." This friend is a multi-published author, and I had never seen her struggle to finish a manuscript. After a moment of her glaring at me, and perhaps mouthing a word that rhymed with itch, I backed up and we talked about it.

What she was saying is that writing is hard. And we all have our hang-ups. I have plenty of those. Plenty of things that get between me and writing "the end." While I do have a drive to always get to the end of a manuscript, I do find that writing is hard. Absolutely.

So, I thought of the tricks that help me write when it gets hard. And I thought I would share them with you.

Pip, the cat, trying to get into the car through the windshield. Talk about the going getting tough. 

1. Show up.

This is actually my goal in all areas of my life--perhaps I suffer from low expectations. :) I don't particularly know how to be an awesome parent, but I do know how to show up. I don't always know how to write the book that is in my head, but I do know how to open up that word doc. And when I open it up, I engage in the words.

2. Pair the dreaded activity (writing) with something awesome.

When the going gets tough, and you don't want to show up, give yourself a prize. I love drinking coke. No, love is not strong enough. I'm obsessed. Feel that it is something both medicinal and magical. So, if I don't want to write, then I crack open a coke once I show up in that word doc. :) (I leave a coke at the Loft, and it gets me out the door and to the office.)

3. Do it with a friend.

I exercise a lot. I'm not bragging here--it's just something I do. I do triathlons, pick up road races and generally am ready to compete at a moment's notice. And yet, right now it's freakin' cold outside. I don't want to go to the Y. Even though I've paired working out with a visit to the sauna, which is my favorite, I still resist this standard-to-my-life activity. It's SO cold outside. But when I receive a text from my friend, I can't not go. She's waiting for me and holding me accountable to show up. And when I show up, I work out. Magically. Medicinally. :) How do you find this for writing? Join Row80. The Blueboards. The Practice Room. NaNo (it doesn't just happen in November anymore). Find a crit group through SCBWI or some other writing community. Come hang with us at the Loft.

4. Still not feeling the desire to get to the end? Give yourself a deadline or a competition.

There are deadlines all over the place. Contests at Miss Snark's First Victim, or Cupid's site. Sign up for a conference, and note the deadline to submit something to be critted by an agent or editor. That's your hard deadline. Or, if you have an agent, you probably have deadlines built in to your schedule. Need help meeting your deadline? Join your friends in #1k1hr. Make showing up a game to be won. Join a crit group that demands pages every. single. week. That's awesome pressure for showing up.

5. Celebrate EVERYTHING.

Be kind to yourself. This is a long tough business. Celebrate things that are in your control. Celebrate showing up. Celebrate finishing a first draft. Celebrate a completed revision. And always celebrate the big stuff--even if it threatens to go by with minimal notice. Fourth book birthday? Have a nice lunch with a friend. That's how this whole blog post got started in the first place. :)

Speaking of celebrating, my oldest turned 14 this week. Look at all those candles!

So, what do you do when the writing going gets tough? How do you trick yourself into finishing a manuscript?

One True (Writing) Thing: About Self, Writing, and Community

I read a YA thriller yesterday. (Escape From Eden, by Elisa Nader--an author I met at a recent conference--she's delightful, by the way, and her book rocks!) In a fast-paced scene, (okay, it was all fast-paced with delicious twists at every turn) Elisa took a beat to describe the sound of blinds tangling as a door slammed shut.

And, I thought to myself, wow, that is exactly how that sounds. What a great nugget of truth.

It might seem unnecessary to bring that piece of sensory truth into the novel--it didn't advance the plot, it didn't strictly need to be there, but that one piece of truth lent reality to everything else.

By anchoring your reader to familiar things, it allows them to believe in all the made up stuff. :)

Knowing one true thing about your writing journey can show you the reality of how to advance your writing career.

A few years ago, I led a special interest group for first time conference-goers at the marvelous NE-SCBWI spring conference. I asked the writers/illustrators to think of that one thing that they needed to get their career to the next level. I mean, there isn't just one thing, but there is always that one bald truth staring us in the face. If I could overcome that, one thinks, I could go places. :) It was especially important advice for the conference, because attending workshop after workshop can be overwhelming. If you know what one thing you are trying to get out of a conference, then it changes the whole reality of the experience. You can take breaks instead of trying to take in every little piece of information. By focusing on what matters, you can learn how to do that one thing much more quickly.

Now, I meet a lot of writers on a daily basis. I talk with people who are interested in joining our local community, The Writers' Loft. I find out what they are writing and what they are looking for. Because everyone who wants to join a community is looking for something specific. And since I know our community of writers, since I attend writing conferences, since I read books about craft and publishing, and since I try to keep abreast of publishing news, I can sometimes connect people with what they need. That one true thing.

 You probably don't need to talk with another writer to find out what you need. (Although it certainly can't hurt.) It's probably that nagging irritating thought that won't leave you alone. If only I had time to write. If only I knew how to get this Picture Book into the hands of an agent. If only I had a great pitch for my book. If only I knew how to add tension to my revision.

Focus on that one true thing and go after it! No excuses. And, if you need a writerly friend, email me. Open invitation. I'd love to help connect you to the answer of your one true thing need.

Finding community doesn't have to be hard.

My one true thing? I am trying to not lose the thread of my writing projects while I grow my non-profit. My answer so far is that I am leaning on my writerly friends to keep me accountable for my writing, and I'm learning everything I can about project management. What about you? What's your one true writing thing right now?

Don't Piss Off the Universe

I think that all my advice can be boiled down to that one sentence.

Let's say it together.

Don't piss off the Universe.

The Universe is like my 7-and-11/12ths-year old daughter, Cowgirl.

The Universe loves kittens, as well as other things.

It expects you to read its mind and know just what to do.

It rewards you with the greatest stuff when you are completely open and hold nothing back.

It reacts best to kindness.

And, girl, oh girl, does it hold a grudge.

Don't Piss Off the Universe.

I've been thinking a lot about my brand as a writer and about who I am in the writing world. I try to be someone who treats others like we are all in this together. Because WE ARE.

On my good days, I want to be completely open to the Universe. Not in some incense-burning, kumbayah-singing perfection-wielding way, but in a confident, I've-done-the-hard-work, I'm-helping-my-fellow-writer, let's-get-to-the-next-weigh-station-together way.

On my bad days, I just strive to not piss off the Universe.

The karma version of Do No Harm.  

I just came back from the James River Writers Conference, and girl, oh girl, those folks certainly know how to make you feel like you're in it together, y'all. I get buoyed up for months by the sense of camaraderie I feel there. *waving to Erica and Donna (eh?) and Jon and Joe and Lisa and Vernon and Katrina, and well, everyone!*

And I am so thankful to have welcomed in the 40th member of the Writers' Loft in Sherborn--you guys rock, and never, ever piss off the universe. Thanks for making my risk this year anything but!

So, do you feel open to the opportunities in front of you? What happened the last time you pissed off the Universe?  Have any good news to share?

Gravity and Tom Shannon's TED Talk: Anti-Gravity Sculptures

So, my TED Talk Tuesdays are happening every day except Tuesdays. What can I say? It's summer.

Yesterday, Superman (9-yrs old) asked me, "Mom, do you know what Law I hate?"

I reviewed the laws that I thought he lived by. It was a short list. "Nope, I can't guess."

"I hate the Law of Gravity."

:)

Knowing my son's love for movement in all directions, I definitely should have guessed that he would actively dislike one that restricted his ability to fly.

And recently, I catch myself frowning. Not because I am feeling emotions connected with the facial expression, but because lost in thought, or in my busy day, I forget to defy gravity. Which allows it to pull my lips down into the frown.

When I googled things that defy gravity, I came across Tom Shannon's Anti-Gravity Sculptures, which are amazing and beautiful and all anchored in some science fiction and some fantasy. As well as science AND gravity. :) So I'd thought I'd share it with you, in case you also forget to defy gravity today.



My favorite quote? "It's sort of surfing on a magnetic field at the crest of a wave."

Poets, eat your hearts out! :)

And without gravity, we wouldn't have enjoyed the "Goblet of Fire" last night (think of what a mess that would have made):

Papa J enjoying gravity.

Last night, at the Writers' Loft, we had a great chat, led by author Anna Staniszewski, about all things Character. We discussed how to build a character with depth, whether a character needs to be likeable, what are some of our favorite characters in literature, and what an agent might mean when they say that they didn't connect with your character. We even had a high-five over the day's agent rejections.

I think that leads to one of the best ways to defy gravity--as writers, we need to extract the best understanding we can from a crit to make our ms better and not get bogged down by negativity and rejections. Which would keep us too tethered to write the way we need to. Dealing with criticism/rejections in a positive/proactive way is an essential act of defying gravity for us all. :)

A shout out to everyone who chooses to defy gravity, but enjoy it as well. :) How do you do it?

Stuffed Into a Teapot

Well, I'm taking slow-blogging to new heights. :) 

Ropes course with the fam on vacation in NH

One thing that gets on my nerves is when people throw around the idea that because of TV (or the internet) kids have shorter attention spans than they ever had before. You know, when people say it authoritatively in a how-to-write-for-children book, without citing any evidence. 

Alice: From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole I've been told what I must do and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot. I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice but this is my dream. I'll decide where it goes from here.

Bayard: If you diverge from the path...

Alice: I make the path!

(From the 2010 movie, Alice In Wonderland)

By making that sort of assumption, that children are being damaged by the progress of media, you might as well stuff 'em into a teapot.

It may be true that attention-deficit issues with children are on the rise, but let's face it, that's a chemical process in the brain. I don't think people have found a causal effect between that and TV or computers. And, it has been shown that kids with ADHD can actually "hyper focus" when they find something compelling to focus on. 

That's the point, right?  Give kids something compelling to focus on.

I do think that it is true that there are different sources of entertainment that can lure our kids away from books, but the takeaway for us writers is that in order to compete with these games, shows and interactive experiences, we need to grab the reader on the first sentence, and hold their interest through the whole book. Which is why writing for young readers is so darn intriguing in the first place. Want a challenge? Try to write a novel for today's youth. They expect the best. It's our job to give it to them.

My kids don't zone out after 12 minutes because they have been trained by the TV and commercials (in fact, the commercials are more compelling to my kids than the show, most times). They don't stop focusing on interesting things after a few moments and drift away. They aren't less inclined to focus. They just have more to chose from.

We need to learn from the experts in the gaming field, like Jane McGonigal, and write in a way that gives kids positive feedback and a real interaction with our books, either figuratively, if we are writing traditional stories, or literally, like Patrick Carman. (The video clips of Skeleton Creek scared the bejeesus out of my eldest. Because he didn't listen to his mother. I'm just saying.)

But let's not assume that our kids are becoming less because they have more to interest them. Let's give them the more (which I believe today's authors, in general, are accomplishing).

Take my nine-year-old son, for instance. 

Give me s'more!

Some might say that he doesn't have the attention span for reading, because he tends not to choose books at his reading level. He sees a full page of text and turns away. But it's not attention span that is his problem--(I don't happen to think he has a problem, thank you very much, teapot stuffers)--but that he is an auditory/sensory learner, and not a visual learner. So most age-appropriate books are, by definition, not his cup of tea. But give him an Alvin Ho book, and he won't put it down. For him, humor is the carrot that will pull him through an entire book.

As a writer, you don't necessarily have to hook my son. (Although the fist fight that ensued in the back seat of my car when I tossed Anna's ARC of My Sort-of Fairy Tale Ending to my kids shows that she has. I'm talking FIST FIGHT where I had to pull the car over and physically separate the kids. Thanks, Anna. #MyBoysReadGirlBooks #TheyArePassionateAboutBooks #MyDaughterWonTheFight)

But you do have to know what type of kid you are hooking, and then hook them the whole way through. Don't let 'em off the line.

And, as if I haven't mixed enough metaphors in this post, I'm encouraging you to make your own path, when it comes to writing books, and not write under the fear that children don't have the attention span to pick up a book and read anymore.  You make the path!

And, now for our regularly scheduled commercial: If anyone wants help with the path, we have an All Things Picture Book group meeting at the Writers' Loft in Sherborn on Thursday night this week, and a Craft Chat on Character on July 23rd, also in the evening. Here's the link. Join us!

Take the Suck out of Success

The road to success can really suck. Especially as a writer. It is fraught with critiques, revision, and rejection. 

Lofter Kyla (far left), me (2nd from the right) with our triathlon training posse, on the day of our tri, last September.
For some reason, I thought this sign was funny. :) This race was so much better because we trained together. It made the TRAINING fun. And that says a lot!

I still see success for my books as having them find a place with a traditional publisher. That definition of success for my writing hasn't changed. But for my own professional life, I've found other successes--and they all have to do with creating community and connecting people with what they need for their own success.

I enjoy building the Writers' Loft, a non-profit writing community. I enjoy helping to organize the NE-SCBWI conference. I find success when I connect with and am helpful to others. I might sound like a broken record at times--community...community...community.

But I think that some things bear repeating. Like this one--The Kindness Project. Because we are human. Because some things are universal. Because we need witnesses to our road of suck. Because we want to celebrate the successes--and the kindnesses. Because, ultimately, things are better when we aren't alone.

What is your perspective on community? What type of writerly community do you see as the most beneficial to your success? I am putting together a workshop about building community, and would love to know what has been important to you, or what you want to know about in order to build your own support system.