#NESCBWI15 Makes Me Get Personal and TED Talk Tuesday: Brené Brown with The Power of Vulnerability

It's no secret that I've spent a good deal of the past year helping to plan and run the #NESCBWI 2015 conference. And it's no secret that I'm doing it again in 2016. (Hopefully it's no secret that I LOVE doing it!)

Running a conference is a funny thing. I feel directly responsible for the workshops we pick, the ones we reject, the people we invite, and the quality of the programming.

My co-chair Natasha and I with volunteer coordinator Hayley Barrett and ARA Stacy Mozer 

at #nescbwi15 orientation.

I feel responsible for how the conference impacts each conference goer. I want everyone to walk away with insight to their projects. I want everyone to walk away with more connections than they started with. I want everyone to walk away inspired to dive into the next bit of work for their creative career.

Friends Wendy McDonald and Julia Young (Julia is designing our logo for #nescbwi16)

And I can try my hardest to create the best hodge-podge of workshops and speakers I can mash together in one weekend. But what matters just as much (or more) (as Brené Brown will tell us below in her #TEDtalk) is where the conference goer is coming from.

Are they coming from a place of vulnerability?

Let me get personal for a moment. (Gasp.)

One of my favorite people to get personal with, my friend and mentor, Erica Orloff.

When I go to conferences, I always carve out some time to sit across the table with an industry professional.

The first time I did this, years ago, I squirmed while an agent explained what wasn't working in my first pages (made worse by the fact that I'd already revised them, but didn't mention that because I felt it would disrespect the time the agent took on the critique). The agent's truth hurt because I wasn't sure that I had fully addressed the issues in my revision, and I was left with the question: was I good enough to take the manuscript where it needed to go?

I heard the truth from that critique. Took it home with me, mourned my am-I-good-enough question for three days (my magic time frame) and then set out to do the work.

Several years, agent critiques, and manuscripts later, a particular agent didn't connect AT ALL with my newest premise, but she didn't really have any solid advice on what to change in my query letter. She just wasn't a fan of what I was selling. It was an important lesson of sometimes it's not me, sometimes it's the agent's taste.

By now in my career, when I meet with an agent, my query generally gets a request for a full. I know how to write a compelling query, and I want to see if I connect with the agent, and if they connect with me.

This year at #nescbwi15, I had the opportunity to sit with an agent I'd never met before.

I swept into the critique room for the second time of the day, (earlier I had stocked the room with chocolates and checked if the agents and editors needed anything) sat down across from the agent, and watched as she read my query. She laughed, said the query was funny, and underlined one line she thought I could change. Good feedback.

Then she started to talk about my manuscript. It wasn't in front of us--she extrapolated from the query. She started asking me to change things in the manuscript--she didn't like the setting and didn't like one of the plot threads. Okay, that's totally great information--she wasn't connecting with the content of the manuscript. That's good to know. This wouldn't be a project for her.

But I got defensive at this point--to be honest, it irks me when agents pick apart a manuscript that isn't in front of them. Because when they do that to someone who is just starting out, sometimes writers go home and change those aspects. Just because one agent doesn't like books with a bullying thread, or books set in space. I want critiquers to stick to what is in front of them. If a plot thread is confusing in the query letter, say that. Don't say that space isn't a compelling setting. (Yeah, and defensive is never a good place for me! Don't go there, Heather, don't! But I did. Le Sigh.)

(Also, the one exception to this rule is if an agent doesn't think they can sell something because of the type of ms. I'll always be really thankful to the agent who told me he couldn't sell anything remotely dystopian.)

She asked if I had critique partners, and I got flustered--I run a writing community and have many, many critique partners. Some of whom are published many times over. She was asking me basic questions that would have fit ten years ago, when I was starting out. (Look at me, all defensive again.)

I mention all this to you, because I wasn't expecting the critique to become a question of whether I was good enough. And here it was again. Was I good enough?

I admitted to the agent that I was still revising the book--that because I was running the conference, I had put it aside for a few months.

I very truthfully said I wasn't sure it was working as it was. I was honest and vulnerable. I didn't get to say the next words--that I have full faith in my ability to shore up the issues--make the structure work, develop some secondary characters more fully, and I didn't get a chance to tell her about the strengths in the manuscript--it's super funny and the voice rocks! That I have full faith in myself and in the manuscript.

She was quick to use my vulnerability as a springboard.

She told me that my bio makes me un-agentable. That there is no way that I have time to do my stories justice if I am such a "giver." That I need to stop being myself if I want to be successful as a writer.

That running a writing community, bringing in experts to talk on writing craft, coaching other writers on their careers, running the conference, talking with Newbery winners and industry professionals,  all this was detracting from my pursuing a writing career. Actually, it was pretty clear that she was saying that all this made my writing career impossible.

Which is ironic. Because it wasn't until I started the writing community and starting doing professional things within the kidlit community at large that I started to feel worthy of writing the books I was trying to write. I felt confident about my writing at the same time that I decided to support others in a meaningful way.

Why am I telling you this? Because getting critiqued is universal in writing. Because getting rejected is universal too. Because we need to be vulnerable and come to our writing from a place of belief. The belief that we are worthy of the book we are writing and that if something isn't working in it, we will figure it out.

Because, as Jo Knowles says, we ask ourselves if our story is true yet. If it isn't, we'll work at it. Until it is true.

We also need to ask what is true of critiques we receive. True for the story and true for ourselves. We need to know the truth so we can make our work (and ourselves) stronger.

Because of this critique, I took a good look at my commitments and pledged that I wouldn't ever lose the threads of of my own writing--because I don't believe that helping others keeps me from helping myself.

My #nescbwi16 co-chair, Josh Funk and I leaving to start planning for next year!

If my experience about strength from vulnerability wasn't universal enough, here's Brené Brown's compelling research and personal experience with the Power of Vulnerability. It's amazing!


Can't see the Ted Talk? Click here.

Do you have critique or rejection stories? How do you discover what is true about the critiques? Do you come to critiques from the power of vulnerability?

TED Talk Tuesday: Alison Ledgerwood with Getting Stuck in the Negatives (and How to Get Unstuck)

I feel like I have to withstand a lot of rejection on a daily basis, and no, it's not what most of you are thinking. :) It's not from agents. It's much worse.

My kids are growing older and each day they find ways to reject me. :) Some of it is that good, growing up, we-don't-need-your-constant-guidance rejection and some is the hormonal, I'm-mad-at-the-world-so-I'll-start-with-mom rejection.

And, yes, as writers, rejection is a pretty common theme. And one that doesn't go away as you climb the success ladder.

Today's TED talk is about how our brains are wired to hold onto the negative and how it takes work to see the positive.

Take a look and see if you can identify:


I'm going to try to catch myself in the negative, and be more thankful for the positives. Because it's the only way I'm going to survive my kids' puberty. :)

And survive all the rejections.

How are you doing? Do you find yourself getting stuck? What does it take to you get unstuck?

TED Talk Thursday: Jia Jiang and 100 Days of Rejections

As a writer, rejection is an every day occurrence. It's literally what you do with the rejection that makes the difference. And Jia Jiang found something fascinating to do--he decided to seek out rejections.

This TED talk is about what happened when he started trying to desensitize himself to rejection so he could succeed as an entrepreneur.

Does it sound familiar when he says that when he got the rejection that started it all, they told him no, but didn't say why they were saying no? I have to argue that the unknown quality of the rejection makes the rejection that much harder to deal with.

I like to think he started having some fun with rejection. :)



I love when he says he learned that when he opens up to the world, the world opens up to him.

And, how cool is Jackie?

Between Tuesday's TED talk on sharing secrets and this TED talk on rejection, do you have any rejections you are brave enough to share with us?

How many rejections do you think you have to endure before you get desensitized?

TED Talk Tuesday: Frank Warren and Half Million Secrets

Writing at its best is the revelation of secrets. The deepest connections I've had with books were moments when I recognized something that I didn't realize about myself, and there it was, in words, in a book, written by someone I don't know.

Here is Frank Warren, with whom strangers trust their deepest secrets.

I think they are in good hands, don't you?



Some of these secrets gave me chills. Some made me laugh. But, in each secret I think about the people, the stories, the raw truth behind them.

I dare you to go to postsecret.com and not be enthralled. :)

Would you send him a postcard?

Do you save voicemails? I have one of my grandfather, who died this year.

New Year Writing Tips for When the Going Gets Tough: What I've Learned at the Loft

So, I was having lunch with a crit partner yesterday, and we were talking about possible workshops or craft chats for the Loft, and she mentioned wanting to do a chat about how to stick with writing a ms long enough to get to the end. I opened my big mouth, and said something like, "I've never understood why people have trouble getting to the end--that's never been a problem of mine." This friend is a multi-published author, and I had never seen her struggle to finish a manuscript. After a moment of her glaring at me, and perhaps mouthing a word that rhymed with itch, I backed up and we talked about it.

What she was saying is that writing is hard. And we all have our hang-ups. I have plenty of those. Plenty of things that get between me and writing "the end." While I do have a drive to always get to the end of a manuscript, I do find that writing is hard. Absolutely.

So, I thought of the tricks that help me write when it gets hard. And I thought I would share them with you.

Pip, the cat, trying to get into the car through the windshield. Talk about the going getting tough. 

1. Show up.

This is actually my goal in all areas of my life--perhaps I suffer from low expectations. :) I don't particularly know how to be an awesome parent, but I do know how to show up. I don't always know how to write the book that is in my head, but I do know how to open up that word doc. And when I open it up, I engage in the words.

2. Pair the dreaded activity (writing) with something awesome.

When the going gets tough, and you don't want to show up, give yourself a prize. I love drinking coke. No, love is not strong enough. I'm obsessed. Feel that it is something both medicinal and magical. So, if I don't want to write, then I crack open a coke once I show up in that word doc. :) (I leave a coke at the Loft, and it gets me out the door and to the office.)

3. Do it with a friend.

I exercise a lot. I'm not bragging here--it's just something I do. I do triathlons, pick up road races and generally am ready to compete at a moment's notice. And yet, right now it's freakin' cold outside. I don't want to go to the Y. Even though I've paired working out with a visit to the sauna, which is my favorite, I still resist this standard-to-my-life activity. It's SO cold outside. But when I receive a text from my friend, I can't not go. She's waiting for me and holding me accountable to show up. And when I show up, I work out. Magically. Medicinally. :) How do you find this for writing? Join Row80. The Blueboards. The Practice Room. NaNo (it doesn't just happen in November anymore). Find a crit group through SCBWI or some other writing community. Come hang with us at the Loft.

4. Still not feeling the desire to get to the end? Give yourself a deadline or a competition.

There are deadlines all over the place. Contests at Miss Snark's First Victim, or Cupid's site. Sign up for a conference, and note the deadline to submit something to be critted by an agent or editor. That's your hard deadline. Or, if you have an agent, you probably have deadlines built in to your schedule. Need help meeting your deadline? Join your friends in #1k1hr. Make showing up a game to be won. Join a crit group that demands pages every. single. week. That's awesome pressure for showing up.

5. Celebrate EVERYTHING.

Be kind to yourself. This is a long tough business. Celebrate things that are in your control. Celebrate showing up. Celebrate finishing a first draft. Celebrate a completed revision. And always celebrate the big stuff--even if it threatens to go by with minimal notice. Fourth book birthday? Have a nice lunch with a friend. That's how this whole blog post got started in the first place. :)

Speaking of celebrating, my oldest turned 14 this week. Look at all those candles!

So, what do you do when the writing going gets tough? How do you trick yourself into finishing a manuscript?

Pay Yourself First

I have officially gone the longest time without writing forward on my writing projects--I think it's been a full month.

I came across this post by Anna Staniszewski, who quotes another rockstar author, Jo Knowles:

"Always make writing the top priority in your life even if that means other things have to slide."

Quite honestly, I thought that quote was pretty harsh. Maybe it was just my mindset at the time, but I thought to myself, "I can't put writing first." I'm a mom. A wife. I compete in races so I stay in shape (because deadlines and accountability work for me). I volunteer for a local educational non-proft, help organize a writing conference, help teach at our church Sunday school, and last March, I created a non-profit writing community.

My days start out with me trying to figure out what is the BIGGEST fire to extinguish. And I'm pretty sure that you are all just as busy as I am. I mean, there are only so many hours in a day, right?

So my writing slides to the back of the to-do list.

But the universe started whispering to me. With Anna's post, and then with this post by another of my favorite authors/mentors, Erica Orloff--and what a beautiful post it is!

We writers lament about time management. But maybe we should take a page out of the financial management world.

When talking about finances, experts tell us to Pay Yourself First.

In order to get a future as an author, we need to start prioritizing and paying into it. Paying into our future. And if you are a writer, but you are not paying into your future--into your dream--then that dream will never happen.

So, that's my goal. I'm going to start getting my writing done first--just a little, before I do anything else. Because if I put aside a couple hundred words here and there, pretty soon, it'll grow to be a whole book.

And that's my future.

(Also, I get really crabby when I don't write.)

How do you envision your time/project management? How do you protect your writing future?

#AmWriting and Kitten Mittons

While I am busy writing, not blogging, I thought I'd direct you to a clip for your viewing pleasure. (Warning--it may not be suitable for children.) Sometimes It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia goes beyond my comfort zone, but this Kitten Mitton clip always makes me laugh (just click on the 'video clip' and the video pops up below, once you are at the page).

I'm sure that shortly, I'll be back to my regular blogging programming. :)

In the meantime, why don't you let me know what you're blogging about, and link to it in the comments? Do you watch It's Always Sunny? What's your TV guilty pleasure?

As far as #ROW80 goals, I've had two weeks which were hijacked by school vacation, and then a sick child. While no writing was accomplished, I did have many adventures. I'm sure I'll talk about them on the blog when I'm back to writing for your entertainment!

But this week, I'm off to a great start, hitting my two hours of writing a day, and exercising as well. So, hopefully the momentum will continue!

How do you get that momentum rolling? How has your writing life been?

In The Batcave

If you need me.

This week, I've been writing. All the time. I'm in the Batcave, churning out my revision and new words. I'm loving the novel and the time I'm spending on it, even though I know it will end shortly. I shouldn't and couldn't keep up this pace. But, in the meantime, I'm enjoying my hibernation.

I hope you have similar creative bursts in your writing life! Do you go through cycles of creativity? Do you ever just give in to those? Do you hole up in the cave when you feel inspiration striking? How often does your muse visit you? Are you keeping up with your ROW 80 goals?